i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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