I accidentally had phone sex last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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