I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
