And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Randomize
