Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Even my vagina gasped.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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