You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
