I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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