we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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