i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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