the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
