Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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