batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
