I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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