Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
