she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
