Do you still have your period?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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