My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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