I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
