..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
