I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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