I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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