i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
