words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
dude. I can hear the air.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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