I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The Olympian is in my bed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
