at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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