Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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