Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
