Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
