I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
