sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
