Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
