I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
