I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
