he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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