Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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