Got a toothbrush?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
