you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
