Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
