I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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