I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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