it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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