I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
