I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
