dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
