also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
