so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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