Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
