I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
