9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
