i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We left the knife in your bed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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