There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
