I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
