she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't turn off my feet"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
