hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
